This is my club story. Every year my company throws a large work party in a hotel downtown. It’s a chance for everyone to get together and toast the success of the company.
It was getting late and I was striking out big time. I couldn’t even manage a quick blowie in the bathroom as I’d often received in previous years.
I looked at my watch, it was 1AM and I was ready to call it – this party was officially dead.
Keen for the party not to end, I grabbed my coat, said good night to my work colleagues and left the hotel via the lobby. It was dark outside, but surely I could find a club or a bar somewhere.
I headed down the block, scanning both sides of the road for something to peak my interest. So far, nothing yet.
I felt a chill in the air, followed by a wet spot on my forehead, then another and another.
It started to rain, then it started to really rain, the kind of rain that just bounces off any surface it touches. I had to seek shelter somewhere.
I pulled my coat collar up, shrunk into my coat and started to run. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going. A bright neon light up ahead caught my eye. It must be a club, so I hurried down the street to the door repeating the words please be open, please be open in my head.
Standing in front of the door was this huge bear of a man, he looked me up and down and opened the large wooden door inside and tilted his head to go through.
I was glad to be out of the rain. I wiped the water from my face and took my first look around. I was in a small dimly lit room, with a large desk to one end. There was a faint murmur of music in the background.
“Good evening or good morning, I can never tell at this point. Can I take your coat? or perhaps a towel.” the voice joked.
A man’s voice spoke from behind the desk. I spun round to see this young man, sitting on a chair, dressed in what appeared to be a three piece suit.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you there” I replied as I started to remove my coat.
He stood up from behind the desk and reached out his arm to take the coat from me.
“I’ll get you a ticket for your coat”
From a drawer in his desk, he pulled out a small book of tickets and tore out two tickets. One he handed to me and the other he put in the coat pocket, before hanging it up.
“Oh and before I forget, this club is very discreet, so we can’t allow any phones or recording devices of any kind”
Well this rule certainly piqued my curiosity. What was in this club I thought to myself.
“Ah, Ok” I said reluctantly, handing over my phone.
“I’ll also need to do a quick search. You understand”
“Sure” Now I was interested.
The man exited the area behind the desk and began to pad me down. He started with my chest, my back then each of my arms in turn.
“Someone in good shape,” he remarked, squeezing my biceps.
Then he went lower, he crouched down and began feeling up each of my legs, as he went up one, he took his hands up to my crotch, where I was convinced he was taking his time. He felt the bulge with his fingers before moving on to the other leg and then coming straight back up the other way and finishing on the bulge again.
“You’re all good, you can go on through” and with that he pointed at the door behind me.
“Thanks” I replied.
I turned and opened the door. From the faint murmur of music, to the loud hustle and bustle of the club.
This was not what I was expecting at all, I was in an old fashioned club. To the right of me was a long stretching bar, commanded by a very fit, muscular man, wearing no top but only black braces. He was making a dicktail for a customer. As he shook the container you could see his muscles flex.
Opposite the bar on the far end was a stage, where a drag act was pelting out the Cher classic ‘If I could turn back time’. The singer was about 6ft, wearing a long sequin teal dress and a massive black wig.
Her audience, all men, were sitting around a series of round tables in front of the stage and enjoying every minute of it.
“What can I get you?” The man from the bar asked.
“Oh, ah, I’ll just have a beer,” I said, still surveilling the room.
I sat myself down on a stool by the bar and watched the singer, while I waited for my drink.
She had just finished the song to the applause of the audience and pulled the microphone from its stand.
“Thank you, thank you. You’re too kind” She said blowing kisses to the audience.
“For all you newcomers, I am madam Gazelle and this is my club, I hope you all enjoy” she said to more applause.
She sashayed to the end of the stage and down a series of short steps, her hand poised in the air.
“Now my darlings, to meet my adoring fans”
She walked over to a young man, who was with a group of friends and sat on his lap.
“Tell me honey, did you enjoy the performance?” she asked him before tilting the microphone in his direction.
“Ooh, yes ma’am, sounds practically military”
“Yes ma’am, US Navy, ” he replied.
“And what brings you to Pizzelles? Let me guess, you’re looking for somewhere to dock your submarine.”
The crowd erupted into laughter.
“Yes ma’am” he replied but his voice was drowned out by the crowd.
“Well, mama Jizzelle can help you out with that my dear”
She stood up from his lap.
“Andy, oh And Where are you my love?” she called out. From the back, a man dressed in a designer suit came out onto the stage.
“There you are my darling, could you take…”
She pointed the microphone back at the man.
“Could you take Sen and show him where he’ll be docking tonight”
With that Andy extended his arm and Sen stood up and grabbed it, both men waving at the audience.
“Thank you for your service Sen,” she said, giving a salute.