Rob never knew what hit him the moment he got home from golfing. Not that he minded. But even that had barely taken the edge off.
**
Sunday afternoon I was outside in the garden doing a bit of weeding when my cell phone rang. I knew immediately that it was Sophia. She had taken my phone a while back, and programmed her song on it for me. I had nearly killed her because of it. Now every time I heard the song, I couldn’t help but laugh. Once again, another Sophiaism.
Hearing “I touch myself” never failed to cause me to giggle, though there had been frantic moments out in public or at work where I’d dived into my purse to answer my phone. Even then, I’d usually get more than just a few curious looks at hearing the tune. I quit worrying about it so much however when I realized just how many people had heard the song, and obviously enjoyed it by the smiles on their faces.
“Sophia? What’s up?” I answered, glad to be taking a breather for a moment as I stepped back into the shade sitting down at our patio table.
“Are you sitting down?”
I laughed. “Just,” I answered back. “I’m outside the wedding.” She didn’t immediately speak, so I asked her again. “Why? What’s up Sophia?” I now asked a bit more curiously.
I heard a nervous giggle in her tone of voice. “I just overheard Jared speaking to one of his friends,” she told me.
“About what?”
“About you!”
“Me? Why? What about?” I now asked sitting up straight in my chair. “Oh my God Sophia, he didn’t see me standing there behind his door did he?”
That made her laugh, and gave me a little relief at the same time when she did.
“No, at least I don’t think so, he never mentioned that to his friend, but I did overhear him saying something else about you.”
“What?”
“You want the Readers Digest condensed version? Or the entire story?”
At least she was teasing me, so that was a good thing. Not something Apocalyptic or earth shattering…at first.
“Since I really am sitting down, how about you give me the long version?” I was now quite curious as to what Jared had told his friend.
“Got batteries for your vibrator?”
“Sophia!” I now spat into the phone, actually getting irritated with her.
“Ok, ok…but even I have to admit, it was pretty horny hearing what he said to his friend about you.”
“Which was?” I said, still sounding a bit put out, but likewise, too curious and just a little worried as to what it was he had said to remain totally angry with my best friend. Especially as she was the one about to tell me what it was her own son had actually said about me.
“Ok, word for word then…the long version.”
I sighed on my end of the line…waiting.
“I heard him telling John, his best friend, what he’d seen yesterday morning when he came into the kitchen.”
I didn’t say it, but I was thinking about it. “So what…he saw my hard nipples, what men wouldn’t look if given the chance if they were to walk in on a woman who did?”
She had continued on however, and it took me a moment to catch up to her, stopping her when I realized what she said.
“He said,” What again?”
I heard Sophia snicker. “He told John that he wished he could squirt his cum all over your hard stiff nipples, and then eat you out while waiting for himself to become hard again, and then have you be the one to take his virginity after that.”
“He said that? He actually said that to his friend?”
“Not only that honey…but he also said he was lying in his bed, masturbating while thinking about you. He’d even left his door open a little, hoping you might walk by, look in and see what he was doing. If you had, he’d have pretended not to notice you were standing there, and he’d have kept jerking himself off until he came, just so you could watch it.”
“Oh my God! Then that means…”
“Yeah, he had actually hoped that you would. Obviously he must have known you did pass by his room, though I’m not sure he ever knew if you ever peeked in and actually saw him. But he was certainly hoping that you would.”
“Jesus Sophia! I’m not sure what to say, what to think about this. Fuck, what can I say except to say I’m sorry!”
“About what? About being the focus of my son’s fantasy? Why should you be sorry about that? He’s only human…and like anyone else, has and entertains his own thoughts.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t been sitting there with my tits poking out…”
Once again Sophia laughed. “Oh honey…get real. I have a sneaking suspicion this has been going on a hell of a lot longer than either one of us has even realized. I am quite sure he’s had a crush on you for a lot longer than this, and has no doubt shot several of those wads of his I’ve been forced to wash, just thinking about you. Which reminds me.
I guess that means that you’re actually responsible for all that additional laundry I’ve been having to do lately. Maybe I should bring over all his cum-hankies and let you wash them up for him instead!”
“You know Sophia, you can really be a little shit when you want to be, you know that?”
Once again she laughed, but then so did I.
“Anyway, that brings me to the real point of this call.”
“Which is?”
Once again she paused. And this time she didn’t giggle, seriously when she spoke.
“How’d you like to fuck my son?”
**