That Surprise Visit Make Me Happy Part -6 Continues…

“That Surprise Visit Make Me Happy” Part – 6 Continues……

She wiped her happy tears and kissed me again. A new chapter in her life opened, she was going to enjoy it all. Her hands found the buttons and pulled at my pants. I stopped her and stood up.

She watched as I pushed down my pants, her eyes drinking in my naked body. I offered her my hand. She took it, and we climbed the stairs naked, hand in hand.

Later, when my body shook in orgasm as I rode her amazing face to my second bliss, I looked up from her beautiful eyes and found Amy’s unmoving stare watching me, somehow managing to be both approving and condemning.

And as I fell asleep in Maggie’s arms, I felt both immensely loved and horribly afraid. It had been the most beautiful night of my life. But my selfishness would put the woman I loved directly in the line of fire.

If I didn’t end it, all hell would break loose.

—

I tried to kill the pain

But only brought more

I lay dying

And I’m pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I’m dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

—

I woke up, and for a blissful second, I just remembered her kisses, her eyes, our orgasms. But then the horrible reality of what I had to do grabbed me like a vice.

I was alone in my bed, staring at the ceiling, the despair screaming inside me.

This was bad. This was what I had been trying to avoid. And it was beautiful, amazing. Even more beautiful than I had dared to imagine.

And now I had to end it. Crush it. It was the only way. Or it would ruin her.

I heard her moving around downstairs, the smell of coffee was sneaking into my room.

I dragged myself out of bed, put on a T-shirt and my jeans and walked slowly down the stairs.

She was making us breakfast.

I stood in the doorway, watching her, arms crossed tightly, the tears already wetting my cheeks, in agony over what I had to do.

“Maggie…”

She looked so beautiful in the morning sun shining through the window, casting a glow on her rose golden hair.

“…this was a mistake.”

She stood there with the coffee in her hand, realizing that something was wrong but not grasping it yet.

And then she got it.

“What? Liv? What do you mean? No.”

“I mean we shouldn’t have… this can’t happen… we… can’t happen.”

I watched as the pain bloomed in her face. Horrible pain, caused by me. I forced myself to go on.

“It was a mistake, Maggie.”

“No, Liv, no, don’t do this… we can talk about this, please, just…”

“There’s nothing to talk about Maggie, they will tear us apart. It will be a living hell for both of us. You don’t deserve that.”

“I don’t care Liv, I’m not afraid of th…”

“You don’t know what it’s like!”

I shouted. My dark emotions took over, the monsters reaching from the old black pit to claw at my heart once again. My fear took control of my words.

“This town hates me! They hate me! They will hate you too. I can’t put you through that. You don’t deserve that. I can’t protect you. I’m not strong enough. I can’t… I can’t… I can barely keep it together as it is. And now the dyke has seduced another Pastor’s wife? What, she’s got a crazy fetish or something? Oh my God Maggie. I knew this couldn’t happen, I knew it. And I still fucked it up. I fucked up. Again. So now I must stop it before… before…”

“Liv, no… no… please… don’t do this. Don’t… please don’t…”

“Maggie… please… you need to go. Please just go.”

She looked absolutely stricken. Heartbroken. Tears running down her cheeks. She stared at me, silently crying, for what felt like an eternity.

And then she left. She didn’t say anything, she just went and got dressed and left without a word.

I heard the minivan drive away.

And that was that.

I had lost another friend.

And the love of my life.

This time I had no one to blame but myself.

As the sound of the car receded into the distance I broke down completely, crying on the kitchen floor.

—

Graduation came two weeks later, but I didn’t go.

I was a mess.

I only went out to visit Dad, who didn’t understand why I was so sullen and joyless.

I couldn’t tell him.

I couldn’t face him knowing how stupid I’d been.

I managed two whole days of actively lying to myself before it hit me like a truck, and I fully understood what a monumental heartless idiot asshole bitch I had been.

Not even giving her a chance to talk about it. Not respecting her feelings. Not letting her make her own decision about her own future. Treating her like shit.

Not giving us a chance.

I just threw her out like a piece of trash. Like she meant nothing to me.

When she meant everything to me.

I tried to call her, but of course she didn’t answer.

I tried for a few days. Phone calls. Increasingly desperate texts saying that I was sorry, I was wrong, I was an idiot, but could we please talk?

Saying I loved her.

In a text.

Because at the end I just needed her to know. Maybe one day she might be able to think back and believe that, even if she could never forgive me.

There was no answer. Nothing.

I cried until I had no tears left.

I had ruined everything.

She would never trust me again.

Probably never talk to me again.

And she’d be right not to.

I was a broken stupid asshole bitch.

She deserved better.

I didn’t dare to go knock on her door, not knowing what the situation with her husband was. The last thing she needed was me showing up and making a scene with him there.

I couldn’t seek her out in public, at church or other events.

I kept hoping she would come back to scream at me, to tear me up, tell me what a horrible bitch I was and to stop trying to contact her.

It would have been better than the silence. Maybe if she did, she could burn off her hate for me like that so we could talk. So I could tell her how sorry I was to her face.

That became my only hope. I made up scenarios in my head where she would let me say I was sorry. I didn’t even imagine anything more than that. Just that. A chance to ask forgiveness, But I knew it wouldn’t come.

It was over a month later that I saw her in the store, paying for her groceries as I got to the register. My heart jumped, thinking that maybe she would give me a minute outside.

“Hey Maggie…”

She looked at me and her beautiful eyes shone with the same deep, heart rendering pain I had seen that morning.

It hit me like a hard slap to the face.

“Hello JERRY.”

There was no feeling in her voice, no friendly comfort, nothing of the Maggie I knew. Just a cold courteous hello. A husk, with nothing inside.

My hope died.

I still tried.

“How’ve you been?”

“You know. Busy.”

“Do you maybe… have time for a chat?”

“I’m sorry JERRY, I have to get back home.”

She took her bag and hesitated for a second before she left, and like an afterthought she added “It’s good to see you, JERRY. You take care now.”

And then she was gone and I just stood there, groceries on the belt, trying not to break down crying in front of Ellie.

I didn’t see her again for the rest of the summer. I avoided anywhere I might bump into her, not trusting myself to emotionally survive another brushing off like that.

Dad got steadily worse, and I threw myself into trying to make him feel loved, visiting him every day and staying long. When I wasn’t there I spent my time fixing things around the house. The barn door needed repainting, part of the back porch railing was loose, things like that. No one else was going to do it.

Soon I would be all alone.

—

Dad’s birthday was August 29th and I surprised him by taking him home over the weekend with some help from the nursing home staff, to cook him a nice birthday dinner. We had fun, and it felt so good having him home again, even if it was just for two days. I made the bed for him in the spare room downstairs and with my help he managed to get in and out of it.

I woke him up before sunrise. We got up and put on our coats, and I parked his wheelchair beside our bench in front of the house.

We sat there watching as the sun cleared the horizon, and mom’s watchful gaze fell upon us, still looking after us. I thought she would like seeing us back together in our old spot on the porch.

Dad looked lost in thought.

I sipped my coffee.

“Liv?”

“Yes Dad?”

“Be happy. You know… when I’m gone?”

I choked up, tears welling.

“Dad… I…”

“Find someone who makes you happy, Liv. Be happy. For me.”

He wheezed through a coughing fit. I held his chin to make it easier on him. I started to say something, but he cut in.

“The last thing your mom said to me was to take care of her girl. To make sure you were happy. But I didn’t know how. And I should have tried harder to protect you baby. I wish I could have done more. I failed you both.”

He looked heartbroken. I was crying now, unable to stop it.

“You didn’t fail Dad; you were always there for me. You saved me. You never failed, none of it was your fault.”

He wiped away a tear with a shaking hand.

“Well. Thank you honey. But it is what it is. Do this for me Liv, don’t stay here if it makes you unhappy, ok? Find your place in the world and find your happiness. You deserve happiness. My strong, beautiful girl.”

“I will Dad, I will.” My tears were uncontrollable now.

He sat there, silent for a while, until I calmed down a little.

“Is there someone special in your life, Liv? Someone you love?”

I wiped the tears from my red and puffy eyes.

“Yes, there is. But she’s not for me.”

“I know you’ve been hurting these past months, even though you don’t tell me. I know you honey. But don’t give up on happiness, Liv. Fight for it. You’ve always fought for what you believe in. Believe in your happiness.”

“I’ll try Dad. I will.”

“I know you will, Liv. I believe in you. I always have.”

The sun bathed us in the welcome early morning warmth. His physical power and energy were only the husk of what they once had been, but he still had strength to give me.

That morning, we sat out there for a long time talking about life, memories, my feelings and his worries, like we used to, under mom’s watchful eye.

A week later, he was gone.

—

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